WTF Is a First Draft?

MJ Wynn
May 15
3 min read

Updated: May 25

It's midnight in Saskatoon. That particular flavor of midnight where your phone's blue light feels like a friend, Tim Hortons cups litter your nightstand like breadcrumbs of earlier motivation attempts, and the cursor on your manuscript blinks with judgy persistence.

I'm curled up in my oversized Space Race hoodie, surrounded by the remains of today's "definitely gonna write" optimism: three cold doubles, a stack of craft books I impulse-bought from Michaels, and approximately seventeen post-its with plot ideas that made sense six hours ago.

Confessions of a Romance Writer Who's Afraid to Write Romance

Here's the thing: I want to write this book. I really, really do. It's this cozy city romance that's been living in my head rent-free, throwing little meet-cute parties at 3 AM when I should be sleeping. But my brain? She's giving peak Saskatchewan winter energy: frozen and chaotic. One minute I'm choreographing their first kiss (you know, the one that's literally 200 pages away), the next I'm researching artisanal maple syrup production for what will probably be two lines in chapter three.

"Maybe if I just create the perfect Spotify playlist for my heroine's coffee shop first..."

I know what a first draft is supposed to be. It's that messy, beautiful, terrible thing where you just... write. Like making pancakes at the cottage – the first one's always wonky, but you get there. But try telling that to my perfectionist brain, which treats every sentence like it's being carved into a Stanley Cup.

Plot Twist: My Outline Is Just Anxiety Wearing a Toque

Want to know what my "writing time" actually looks like? It's me, wrapped in my softest Spencer’s blanket, staring at a blank Notion document, wondering if my protagonist's choice of bubble tea reveals too much about her commitment issues. Should this metaphor about Canadian geese reflect her fear of change? Is this em dash emotionally honest?? 😅

And the research rabbit holes? I've got tabs open about Saskatoon’s best butter tarts, local football teams, and the exact shade of autumn leaves in October. (Someone send help. And maybe a Coffee Crisp.)

The 2 AM Truth I Can't Ignore

Here's what hit me tonight, somewhere between my fourth double-double and second existential crisis: All this planning isn't protecting my story. It's just hiding, like wearing mittens in August.

Because starting? Starting feels like skating on thin ice. What if it's not as magical on paper as it is in my head? What if I pour my heart into this city romance and it's just... meh? What if this precious little dream I've been nurturing turns out to be more Tim Bits than Tim Hortons?

Some nights (like tonight), it feels safer to stay in this limbo. To keep the story perfect and pristine in my imagination, where no one can judge it. Where I can't judge it. Where it's eternal potential, never disappointing reality.

But also? That's where stories go to hibernate forever. 🍁

What We Actually Need (Besides Another Coffee)

Not another writing workshop. Not a character vision board. Not a PhD in fictional coffee shop economics.

What we need:

→ Permission to write something as messy as poutine

→ A tiny crumb of self-trust (like that first time you parallel parked downtown)

→ And maybe a sticky note that says "Future You will thank Present You for just starting, eh?"

To My Fellow Late-Night Overthinkers

If you've got more open tabs than a Shoppers Drug Mart has aisles...

If your story outline has footnotes...

If you're still waiting in the Tim Hortons drive-thru of almost ready...

I see you. I am you. We're all just out here, trying to trick our perfectionist brains into believing that imperfect can be beautiful too. 💕

Let it be awkward like a first date. Let it be weird like ketchup chips. Let it be gloriously, perfectly imperfect.

Let it be real.

Because here's the thing about first drafts: We can edit a messy page. We can't edit a blank one.

So... grab that double-double. Open that laptop.

Write one beautifully messy line about two people falling in love.

That's all it takes to begin. ✨

🌷 Signed, MJ