You Can Love Someone, But You Can't Make Them Love Themselves

MJ Wynn
Apr 24
4 min read

Updated: May 25

✨ You ever catch yourself lying awake at 3 AM, staring at your phone screen, crafting the perfect "just checking in" text to that friend who's been struggling lately? Yeah, me too. There's this particular kind of heartache that comes from watching someone you care about not see their own magic. We've all been that person sending the supportive messages, double-tapping their posts like it's our job, trying to sprinkle little bits of love into their day... while watching them battle their own shadows. 🌙

I've been thinking a lot about self-love lately, and honestly? It's not the aesthetic Instagram posts and manifestation journals make it out to be. It's messy. It's more like that temperamental houseplant on your windowsill - some days it's thriving and you feel like a plant parent goddess, other days you're googling "why are the leaves turning brown" at midnight.

Growth isn't linear, and that's okay. 🌱

When You See Their Light But They're Still in the Dark 🌟

Can we talk about how it feels to be that friend who sees someone's whole universe of potential, while they're stuck seeing themselves through a fogged-up mirror? It's like... you're there with your metaphorical Windex, ready to help clear their view, but maybe they're not ready to see what you see. You know the drill - you're sending memes at 2 AM, showing up with their comfort-order coffee, listening to version 47.0 of That Story. And still, they're trapped in their own highlight reel of past mistakes and "what-ifs." 💭

God, it's like hosting the most amazing party for someone who keeps standing in the corner, scrolling through their phone. Your heart's doing these elaborate emotional cartwheels trying to show them their worth, while they're still replaying that one awkward thing they said in 2019. And yes, I too have earned my honorary psychology degree from TikTok (hello, fellow armchair therapist! 🤓), but we need to remember: we're their friends, not their fixers.

Walking That Fine Line: Supporting Without Losing Yourself 💖

Let's get vulnerable for a second - being someone's emotional support human is beautiful, but it's also really freaking hard sometimes. Like, actually hard. There are nights when your own cup is running on empty, but you still find yourself typing out those long, supportive paragraphs. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do - for both of us - is to step back and let them find their own way through the forest. Even when we can see the path so clearly it hurts. 🌅

You can be their flashlight, but you can't be their whole damn power grid. ✨

Think of yourself as their personal cheerleader, but like, a realistic one. You can share that meditation app that got you through your last existential crisis, split a bottle of wine while they process their feelings, celebrate those tiny victories that might seem insignificant to others. But at some point, they need to pick up their own pom-poms. Maybe suggest therapy (because honestly, at this point, who isn't in therapy?), or invite them on your silly little morning walks. Remember: you can be their flashlight, but you can't be their whole damn power grid. ✨

Self-Love: Everyone's Got Their Own Timeline 🎧

Here's what I'm learning: the journey to loving yourself is kind of like making the perfect playlist. Sometimes you need those sad girl hours tracks, sometimes you need that main character energy, and sometimes you just need to blast Taylor Swift and cry it out. No amount of external hype (even from your best friend who literally thinks you hang the moon) can replace the work you need to do in your own heart.

Real talk? This journey looks more like my bedroom floor during a week of deadline chaos than anyone's perfectly curated Instagram feed. Some days you're feeling yourself in the Target mirror, other days you're wondering who invented reflective surfaces in the first place. But those small wins? When you finally delete that drafts folder full of texts to your ex, or catch yourself smiling at your reflection instead of criticizing it? That's the real shit. That's growth, baby. 👑

Don't Forget About Your Own Light ✨

Plot twist that shouldn't be a twist: while you're out here being everyone's emotional support bestie, please don't forget about your own journey. I know it's so easy to pour from an empty cup (been there, got the therapy bills to prove it), but your mental health isn't optional. It's not selfish to put yourself first sometimes - it's necessary. 🌿

Make space for your own healing moments - whether that's canceling plans because your social battery is at 2%, having a private dance party to your guilty pleasures playlist, or spending an entire Sunday watching that comfort show you've seen 17 times. Your journey matters just as much as anyone else's, and sometimes the best way to show others how to love themselves is to lead by example (even when it feels messy). 🌙

The Bottom Line ☕

Here's what I keep coming back to, loves: you can pour your whole heart into someone, but you can't make them drink from that cup of self-love. It's like trying to describe colors to someone who's not ready to open their eyes.

Sometimes all we can do is sit with them in the dark, share our umbrella in the storm, and trust that they'll find their light when they're ready.

And if they're not ready? That's not on you. That's not your failure. Learning to love yourself is like learning a new language - it takes time, practice, and a whole lot of awkward moments before it starts feeling natural. Your support is beautiful, but they've got to want to join the class.

So here's to loving hard but loving smart. To setting boundaries (even when it feels impossible). To celebrating every tiny step forward, even the wobbly ones.

Keep shining your light, keep growing through what you're going through, and remember that everyone's path looks different.

Trust the messy process, even when it feels like you're walking through the dark with no flashlight. The journey to self-love isn't pretty - it's real. And maybe that's exactly what we all need right now. 💫✨

🌷 Signed, MJ