Friends First? In This Economy?!

MJ Wynn
Mar 27
5 min read

Updated: May 25

Can we get real for a minute? Picture us hanging out on my well-loved couch (you know, the one with the permanent dent from all our Netflix marathons), sharing snacks and spilling truths. I've been thinking a lot about something lately - how in this wild world of dating apps and instant connections, we've kind of lost the magic of letting things unfold naturally. 🍃

Let's be honest - trying to date in 2025 feels like being stuck in a never-ending game of speed chess (except nobody really knows the rules?). Everyone's racing to find their person, swiping through faces like they're scrolling through TikTok at 3 AM. And babe, I get it. We're all out here trying to find connection in a world that seems designed for disconnection. 🎮

But here's my little plot twist that might make you spill your wine (careful with that white couch! 😅): I'm dating my actual best friend. Not in that "we met last week but omg it's meant to be" way - I mean my genuine ride-or-die. The one who's seen me through questionable hair decisions, countless existential crises, and that phase where I thought I could DIY my entire apartment (spoiler: I could not). We literally spent years building this incredible friendship before having our own "oh... OH" moment. And honestly? It's been more magical than any algorithm could ever predict. ✨

Why Is Being Friends First So Rare Now?

Real talk: we're living in the age of instant gratification. We get annoyed when our UberEats takes more than 30 minutes (I feel so called out right now 😫). Dating has become this express lane experience - quick, convenient, but often about as satisfying as gas station sushi.

Here's the thing that keeps me up at night: we're all out here crafting these perfect profiles, overthinking our text responses, and strategizing our dating lives like we're playing chess with cupid. Meanwhile, authentic connections are just chilling there, waiting for us to look up from our phones. It's kind of wild how we'll spend hours picking the perfect profile pic but won't invest that same energy in actually getting to know someone. 📱

I see everyone chasing those picture-perfect relationship moments - you know, the ones that look great on main but don't tell the whole story. But the real magic? It's in those unfiltered moments. The "hey, want to grab coffee and complain about life?" conversations. The comfortable silences. The ugly-laughing-until-you-snort moments. That's the good stuff. 🥺

Friendship is like that fancy bottle of wine you've been saving - it gets better with time (and yes, I'm using this metaphor because I'm currently sipping wine while writing this 🍷). It's about discovering all those little quirks, like how they organize their snack drawer by color, or how they have strong opinions about whether hot dogs are sandwiches. These seemingly random details? They're actually the building blocks of something real.

But in our swipe-right world, patience has become as rare as finding someone who doesn't have a podcast. We're all juggling notifications from multiple dating apps, treating potential connections like job applications. Here's the tea though: you can't speed-run your way to meaningful connection. It's like trying to force a plant to grow by pulling on it - you might get movement, but you're probably just uprooting something beautiful before it has a chance to bloom. 🌱

My Slow-Burn Love Story

Okay, slight flex incoming (but like, a humble one? 💁‍♀️): this whole friends-to-lovers journey with my girlfriend has been the slowest of slow burns - and fam, it has been WORTH IT. We started as study buddies in college, sharing instant ramen and anxiety attacks during finals week. Then we became roommates, splitting takeout orders and having impromptu kitchen dance parties at midnight. Each step of the way, we built this foundation that feels unshakeable.

We knew everything about each other first: the good (she remembers to buy my favorite snacks when I'm having a rough week), the bad (her obsession with early morning workout classes), and the questionable (our joint decision to try cutting our own bangs during lockdown - big mistake, huge 😅). We've weathered job rejections, family drama, and that phase where we both thought neon was our color (narrator: it most definitely was not). Then one movie night, curled up in our usual spots, something shifted. Like: "Wait... are we...?" 👀

The beauty of it? There's zero pretense. She's seen me at my most chaotic (think: stress-cleaning at 2 AM while watching conspiracy theory documentaries), through my highest highs and lowest lows. She's held me through panic attacks, celebrated my tiniest wins, and never once judged my collection of weird memes. And somehow? She still thinks I'm the coolest thing since iced coffee in summer. We've created this safe space where we can be completely ourselves, share our 3 AM thoughts, and know we're accepted exactly as we are. If that's not the dream, idk what is. 💕

Why It's Worth It (And Here's The Proof)

Look, I know the friendship-first approach might seem old school in our fast-paced world, but hear me out. Those late-night conversations with my girlfriend? Those countless hours of just existing together, sharing snacks and stories? They've created something that no dating app could ever replicate. Let me break it down for you: 💫

No pressure – When you're friends first, you can actually be yourself. Like how my girlfriend witnessed me demolish an entire pizza during finals week and still thought I was cute. No need for that first-date highlight reel when they already know your blooper reel. 🌿
Built-in trust – Remember those 3 AM "everything is falling apart" moments? That's the kind of trust you can't build through clever dating app banter. When you're friends first, you already know they'll show up for you, whether you're celebrating a win or crying in the bathroom at a party. 💌
Real connection – This goes way beyond shared memes (though those are crucial too). It's about having someone who's been part of your story, who gets your growth journey, and celebrates your evolution. Like how my girlfriend and I can look back at our disasters and victories and see how far we've come. No awkward small talk needed! 🎭
Shared history – You build this treasure trove of memories and experiences without the pressure of "where is this going?" These become your inside jokes, your special moments, your "remember when" stories that make your relationship uniquely yours. 💫

TL;DR: The Art of Slow Love

Maybe love isn't about racing to some finish line - maybe it's about finding someone who matches your energy, who gets excited about petting random dogs with you, and doesn't judge when you need a midday nap. It's about connecting with someone who vibes with your weird, respects your boundaries, and celebrates your growth. Sometimes that person has been walking beside you all along, sharing playlists, stealing your fries, and creating memories that no dating app algorithm could ever predict. ✨

Here's the truth, fam: real connections can't be forced or rushed. They grow naturally in those quiet moments between belly laughs, deep conversations, and comfortable silences. These are the foundations that last, not the matches based on carefully curated selfies and witty one-liners.

So take a breath, babe. Slow down. Instead of doom-scrolling through dating apps, try being present in your own story. Take that pottery class you've been eyeing, hit up local events, or just start actual conversations without an agenda. Maybe spend less time perfecting your dating profile and more time asking the real questions, like "why do we drive on parkways but park in driveways?" Your person might be right there, waiting for you to look up from your phone and notice them. 👀

Remember: trying to rush a relationship is like trying to microwave a gourmet meal - you might get something that looks okay on the surface, but it won't have that depth and richness that comes from letting things develop naturally.

Trust the journey, embrace the process, and know that authentic connections are always worth the wait.

Keep watering those slow-growing friendships - they might just bloom into something beautiful!

🌷 Signed, MJ